Relationships are like boats navigating the endless oceans of life. They could be smooth as glass sometimes and turbulent in others. Relationships are extraordinary – an intimate connection between two people, supportive and enjoyable. But when conflicts evolve into sorrowful times, your boat sets sail.
Some couples realize that they do not hear one another anymore or they feel ignored or smothered. Each time these issues arise, asking for external help like counseling or couples therapy appears to be a regular solution. Despite numerous methods of treatment being available today, there exists one that is extremely popular due to high efficiency: it is Emotional Freedom Techniques (also referred to as EFT Tapping). If you are experiencing any troubles with relationships, keep reading below to explore how that unique emotional acupuncture can heal your bond and bring back the spark.
What Is EFT Tapping for Couples?
EFT is a type of therapy called “energy psychology”. The main idea of this technique is that all mental pain, whether it is the hurt of a recent argument or an inner fear of abandonment, is the result of the imbalance of energies.
In other words, the pain occurs when there’s a “kink” in a hose through which the energy passes, and the emotions are allowed to escape. With EFT, you use your fingers to unblock those paths and bring your energy back in harmony, thus reducing negative emotions.
How Does It Work?
EFT is pretty much a non-needle method of acupuncture. Unlike acupuncture, it utilizes not needles but fingertips to apply pressure to certain points. These are meridians that regulate energy flows.
It all starts with figuring out the source of your distress. Once you identify that issue, create your focus statement or a setup phrase, which is basically the acknowledgement of the problem and acceptance of yourself. It could be something like: “Even though I feel disconnected from my partner, I accept myself.”
5 Steps Guide to Using EFT Techniques
To fully take advantage of this exercise, you need to follow a step-by-step guide. So here it is:
1. Identify the Source of Distress
Choosing one particular thing that bothers you allows achieving better results than generalizing your problem. Thus, instead of saying “Everything is wrong” try something like: “I don’t feel listened to by my partner”.
2. Rate the Severity
On what level do you feel this problem right now? Try to give yourself a numeric score from 0 to 10, where 10 would mean maximum possible distress.
3. Creating Your Focus Phrase
Your phrase might look something like “Despite [your problem] I still appreciate myself”. This phrase is crucial to the whole procedure because it links your problem to your personal value.
4. Tapping Sequence
Start with a karate chop point (the fleshy part of your hand) and recite your phrase three times. Continue tapping the following energy points 7 times each:
- Upper Eyebrow Point
- Side of the Eye Point
- Under the Eye Point
- Under the Nose Point
- Chin Point
- Collarbone Point
- Upper Lip/Under the Eye Point
- Top of the Head Point
At each tap, remind yourself of your issue by saying a short phrase. For example: “My current frustration”
5. Re-rate the Problem
Assess your severity level again, and if you didn’t reach zero yet, go through the process again.
Ways EFT Helps you Overcome Relationship Issues
EFT affects your reactions to stimuli, making them positive. Here’s how:
1. Decreasing “Fight or Flight” Reaction
Fights tend to escalate as a result of the panic states reached. In case you feel “triggered,” then the release of stress hormones makes you incapable of listening. Tapping on the energy centers will deliver a physical message to your brain indicating safety. This decreases your heart rate and calms down your anxiety letting you stay engaged rather than walk out or yell.
2. Removing the Barrier of Defense
One cannot properly communicate when in a defensive mode. People usually protect themselves by building walls as a result of criticism. The technique helps to relieve the feeling of inadequacy or embarrassment that prompts people to be defensive. By tapping through the discomfort associated with being “wrong,” you will be able to be more accepting of another person’s viewpoint.
3. Erasing Relationship Traumas
We all tend to respond to someone close to us based on the past experience with the previous lovers. “Emotional ghosts” may completely ruin a beautiful day. This technique has gained a worldwide reputation for neutralizing such unpleasant memories. Being healed of this emotional charge, you will be ready to move on and forgive the mistakes done by someone else in the past.
4. Controlling Levels of Cortisol
High amounts of stress hormone called cortisol will definitely affect a fight as they make people aggressive and less empathic. It was scientifically proven that EFT allows reducing this indicator within several minutes. You will get physically calmed, and your mind will switch from the attack state to the resolution one making conflict short and non-destructive.
5. Promoting Emotional Clarity
Usually, we argue with our partners about the same topic again and again not understanding the actual causes. EFT requires naming one’s emotions in the very beginning of each round of tapping. As you tap, you can realize the reasons why you are really irritated. Sometimes, it is not about cleaning up but about feeling unappreciated.
Understanding Relationship Distress
Before fixing the problem, it is important to understand what exactly you need to fix. Relationship distress refers to those imaginary walls that keep growing inside your relationship with time.
Causes of Relationship Distress:
- Feeling Unheard: If nothing seems important, then your joys, sorrows, fears, and hopes disappear into an abyss. And it feels like you are not even there anymore.
- Feeling Undervalued: The hectic pace of our lives doesn’t allow us to be grateful to one another.
- Feeling Smothered: Failing to pay proper attention to yourself may transform the healthiest marriage into an unbearable experience.
- Feeling Insecure: This problem results from unattended worries that eventually turn into mistrust.
Is EFT Effective?
Absolutely, emotional therapy is proven to be highly effective when treating relationship issues. According to research, people who received the sessions have been experiencing a higher level of happiness and lower amount of stress (“Fight or Flight Response Reduced with Emotionally Focused Therapy,” n.d.).
Whether you need to overcome one problem or several deep-rooted ones, EFT tapping will easily fit your schedule. Being in love means accepting similarities and embracing differences in your partner. And EFT gives you an opportunity to do it.
Conclusion
Your relationship needs to bring you peace and joy rather than distress. Addressing the issues causing negative emotions by tapping is much more effective than covering up the problem. Instead of being suffocated and unhappy, you can reach a place of happiness and satisfaction in love.
If you are tired of being trapped in your subconscious patterns and want to learn how to handle them properly, seeking professional advice will definitely make it easier. To explore more about mindset transformation and emotional healing, connect with Babita Chaudhary. Her expertise in navigating the complexities of the human heart can help you find the light at the end of the tunnel. Book a session today!